Toto, I've a feeling we aren't in Kansas anymore.🌈

    Your whole life, you grow up thinking you're normal. You are just like everyone else wandering through this crazy thing we call life. Everyone is experiencing the same struggles and experiences as you. Until you realize...that's not entirely true. 

    I've struggled with being misunderstood my whole life. I wanted to be like everyone else and never quite fit in. I had friends, a great childhood, a good job right out of high school, got my driver's license, had an amazing partner, and moved into our first apartment. Everything seemed normal and on track. Why would anything feel off? 

    Our brains are a crazy maze of curiosity. There's so much depth to who a person is that sometimes that person doesn't truly understand who they are. 

    In childhood, I was always a shy, rule follower. I never got in trouble, and if I did, I would cry. Not to get out of trouble or manipulate the situation. It was a natural anxiety response to breaking those rules and being confused. At that time, I wouldn't have learned what anxiety was yet, so I was just a sensitive child. I was affectionately nicknamed crocodile tears.

    "Crocodile tears" proceeded to follow me throughout adulthood and would present itself in many moments that led to embarrassment, self-frustration, and confusion. I eventually learned to deeply hate confrontation, small talk, and expressing my feelings. Even work meetings and job interviews would cause me extreme anxiety. I hated the unexpected, and the result of that would be to just start crying. The past 3 years, I've just learned to expect it and not fight it. I knew there was nothing I could do about it and decided to embrace it. I would learn to start meetings with people who didn't know me by telling them that I would probably be crying in the meeting because that's just who I was. It affected me so much that I had a rehearsed explanation to explain this uncomfortable, weird side of me that I never understood.

  

I was always shy and quiet as a child/teenager. I just liked to sit back and observe. But to society, that seemed wrong. A sarcastic phrase I learned to hate was, "You talk too much." or something to that effect. I didn't understand that I was supposed to be talking, and it truly confused me. If I don't have anything to say, why would I talk?

    I was also a very picky eater as a kid. I only ate certain things and had a hard time when I felt I had to eat something I didn't want to or didn't like. Even today, I experience sensitivities to certain noises, smells, foods and even clothes. Hugging as well makes me uncomfortable, dependent on who you are. I would always say that I had a bubble, which I thought everyone experienced too.

   Fast forward to jr high & and high school. I never really had any friends. I wasn't social, I was awkward, and I clinged onto anyone who would be my friend. I did always have one best friend, whom I could trust, and then usually just became friends with their friends to fit in. I always got along with the boys better. They seemed a lot easier to befriend and understand. Girls were catty and manipulative. I learned this the hard way once I hit high school, and my trust in female friendships was broken. Yeah, I would talk to other girls and feel like I needed to be friends with them because I was a girl and that was normal, but it never felt natural. It felt forced, minus who I could truly trust.

Tail end of high school, I found a group of older friends, which I am lucky enough to still be friends with a few of them today. More guys than girls of course. This became my party phase. I was introduced to social parties and alcohol. It was the cool thing to do, and I felt a sense of ease. I've always been socially awkward, and these parties allowed me to loosen up. I didn't feel like I would embarrass myself around other drunk people because they became just as embarrassing. 

    Now that I had this new freedom, I clung to it. I relied on alcohol to help me socially through the years. I'm not saying I was a day drinker or alcoholic, but I knew that if I was going to be in a social situation or an anxiety ridden situation, a shot or 2 would help me through it and appear "normal". I started to like what others liked. I started taking their mannerisms as my own. I realized that if I was sassy and tomboyish, people liked me more. I had a quirk to myself that people actually enjoyed. And I clung onto that like there was no tomorrow. Sassy and tough became my identity.

    Life was great and manageable up until 2018. In 2018, my anxiety started to spike. I started to become more of a home body. I realized I "couldn't" have fun without alcohol and a lot of my friendships were built off of that. I struggled to manage those friendships on a deep level because I only learned to be social when we are all drinking. I didn't know which friendships were pure anymore. I started to feel like an empty shell with a lack of emotion. A robot you could say. Over the years, I would drink on the weekend to relax and wind down, but because I knew it made me feel normal, I would have one to many drinks and get sick or black out. I had a problem, and I knew it, but it's the only time I truly felt free. I started to get anxiety in my own home and would avoid anything social. My husband would have friends over or family over, and I couldn't handle it. I would lock myself in the room until they were gone, using the excuse that I was sick or had a migraine. If I heard someone in the living room, I would stay in my room pretending I was invisible, while listening intensely until they were gone. Because small talk and socializing spiked my anxiety. It was almost crippling. My husband was the only person I felt I could be "myself" around. He gave me a sense of security and safety that I desperately needed. 

    My mental health got worse in 2019. My safe home world changed when we had a troubled family member move in. I found myself on edge all the time, anxious all the time, depressed. Something was wrong with me, and I finally reached out for medical support. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. This would continue to riddle me for the next few years. On top of this, my job at the nursery was uplifted and relocated all while covid was taking over the world...I became a hermit...much like the rest of humanity. Again, this has to be normal, because everyone feels this way. My drinking and eating habits spiked between 2018 and 2022. It was the only thing that made me feel somewhat relaxed and comforted. As my body and mind had become something I no longer recognized.

   Work was its own anxiety. I have always been a very blunt, straight forward individual. I rely on facts rather than emotion. I started to be perceived as a bitch, rude, unenthusiastic or defiant. Once, while working at the zoo, a customer called me the girl with angry eyes. This comment stuck with me for life. It confused me so much because I always tried my best to sound nice and happy. But my face and tone tend to have other ideas. People always ask me what's wrong, are you mad, why aren't you happy, you haven't been happy for a long time. I'd reply confused. "I'm great actually." but no one believed me.  I started to just call it my resting bitch face or stone face, because I didn't know how else to explain my lack of facial expressions. If I avoided eye contact while passing someone in the hall. they would think I didn't like them.

    Working in customer service and having to put on a social, "happy" face really drained me. After 8 years of Guest Services at the zoo, I couldn't do it anymore. I always said, the true animals at the zoo are humans. Because they were so confusing and very mean at times. I started volunteering at the Kitten Nursery with Best Friends Animal Society to help me avoid human interaction. I just wanted to be with animals, who I never had to explain myself to. I never left feeling confused or over analyzing what I did wrong. They brought me a sense of peace I didn't know I was missing. And it was something I was truly good at. I've always been the animal whisper in my family and loved cats from day 1. I loved the Kitten Nursery so incredibly much that I constantly asked them if they were hiring. I was so burnt out on humans and felt like I truly found my calling. I eventually got the job and felt like I was home. It became my sanctuary. But even though it was my dream job and calling, I still came home drained and never wanted to do anything. I would eventually learn why this was later in life.

    Finding my identity was difficult growing up, as I always wanted to fit in. It wasn't until a few years ago in my adulthood, that I truly found my own interests. I started dying my hair fun colors. I loved Halloween, I loved all things dark and unnatural. I eventually took on the witchy goth girl identity. I finally felt like myself.  I became obsessed with anything black. I started decorating our home in all things spooky year-round. I got into crystals and oddity items. I found happiness that I didn't realize I was missing. And it was all because I stopped caring what other people thought. I also realized with this persona, no one would question my lack of socializing, facial expressions and enthusiasm. Because goth girls were weird and misunderstood anyway. I also found books that were about the Disney villains and their side of the story, explaining that they are just misunderstood and perceived to be villains by society. I loved the story of Wicked because the wicked witch from wizard of oz was actually just a misunderstood individual named Elphaba. I never felt more connected to anything in my life. People judge a book by its cover but lack the ability to dig a litter deeper to truly understand who someone is. I used the term, misunderstood as my badge of honor almost. It was the easiest way to "explain" myself to others.

    Work really started getting my wheels turning about learning my personality. They had us take what is called DISC assessments, so we could see where everyone's personality landed on the scale to help us better understand not only ourselves but other coworkers. My results validated how I felt out of place. Everyone was gathered towards the bottom of the wheel, and I was off in my own land at the towards the top of the wheel. I was classified as a High C personality type. 

                                         

Copied from Discinsights.com this means:

 "C personalities think analytically and systematically, and carefully make decisions with plenty of research and information to back it up.

The C DISC style is perfectionistic and has very high standards for both them and others. Because they focus on the details and see what many other styles do not, they tend to be good problem solvers and very creative people. The C personality type is one of the passive styles, which results in avoiding conflict. They will avoid conflict rather than argue, and it isn't easy to get them to verbalize their feelings. They need clear-cut boundaries to feel comfortable at work, in relationships, or to take action. Sometimes the C can be bound by procedures and methods and find it difficult to stray from order. Sometimes they can get too bogged down in the small details, making it difficult to see the next steps or big picture."

    This assessment was an eye opener for accepting and understanding my personality and validated me to be more open and expressive to others, so I didn't feel so misunderstood, which had become my new favorite word.

Little did I know, it ran a lot deeper than that...

    About a year and a half ago at a family dinner, I overheard my brother ask my mom, if she thought that my sister and I had autism, like him. My mom shrugged and said maybe. I immediately got defensive in my head and said no way. I don't have anything wrong with me. As time went on i forgot about this comment. Fast forward to 1 year ago. Our house mate introduced us to a new show called Young Sheldon. As we continued to watch it, I got obsessed. Some of the quirks he had, I found I could relate too. Not to the same extreme but small similarities. I eventually binged the show and found myself in a confusing state of mind. Am I like Sheldon? I quickly ignored it and proceeded with my daily life. Nothing's wrong with me. I am normal.

A month ago, I was scrolling through Instagram, and a reel came up from an autistic individual that shared an experience they had. It hit me like a ton of bricks, because I could relate so much. I began to continue looking at reels about autism and it took me down a rabbit hole. Most of them, I found myself relating to on a high level. Am I autistic? Is that why I've always felt misunderstood? Alot of feelings came with this. Fear, anxiety, relief, confusion, validation. Imagine being someone with my personality type, who always needs to know the facts and why's about something to better understand it, only to not know the why's of yourself and who you are your entire life. It's devastating. The way I explained it to my husband, was that it felt like the scene in Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy and Toto walk through the black and white door and enter colorful technicolor Munckinland (thus, the title of this blog entry). Or imagining my brain was a bowl of popcorn kernels. Dormant, boring, still. But with every realization, a kernel would pop and eventually my brain had popcorn popping everywhere.

    I decided to start looking into it, because I had never felt more understood in my life. I started looking into phycologists so I could be diagnosed. That's all I wanted was validation. I was scared if I started self-diagnosing, people wouldn't believe me and think I'm crazy because I've been "normal" my whole life or I'm too pretty to have autism because of autistic stereotypes our society has made us believe. Autism has always been around; it's just been overlooked or misdiagnosed. Even in the past, people were deemed as the weird, quirky people. And some of these people were successful scientists, kings/queens or actors. In the past century, people have been misdiagnosed as schizophrenic or been labeled with other disabilities. Sometimes it went as far as labeling the person as being possessed by the devil. 

    After doing research, I discovered it is so hard to be diagnosed, so a lot of people have no choice but to self-diagnose, especially women. Many places I called either had no phycologist who specialized in autism diagnosis, they had a wait period of 18 months, or they only help adolescents. What am I supposed to do with this new knowledge? Am I just alone? Should I keep it to myself? No. That's not healthy. I needed support in this scary discovery.

    When it comes to therapists, I've always felt like I needed them to be female, because they would understand me better because we are both girls. But those experiences never felt natural for me. So, I decided to look for a male therapist. I found a therapist that specializes in adult autism, and it has been so validating and liberating, even with only 2 sessions under my belt. I've felt understood and can read him better than any female therapist I've had in the past. I also started reading a book called Unmasking Autism and so many things clicked. 

    I started obsessively following autistic Instagram pages to better understand myself with their similar stories. I felt seen and understood for the first time in my entire 35 years of existence. I realized that my whole life; I learned to mask in order to fit in because the quirks about me were different and weird. I would be considered a high functioning autistic. And I 100% blame society for this. It taught me that being different is not OK, rather than celebrating who I am as a person. If you tell someone you think your autistic, it's taboo. Or they invalidate your lifelong feelings, experiences and emotions by saying, "I think everyone is a little autistic." They tell you because you had a good childhood you didn't experience trauma. Even

though your whole social life growing up caused you unknown trauma.

 

   I think my biggest realization with this whole process was that there is nothing wrong with me. I am just unique and my own person. My brain is just wired different than other people and I can see things they cannot. I can relate it to the following things: left-handed vs right-handed. iPhone vs Android. Straight hair vs curly hair. It may look different but whole picture, it's the same thing: Writing ability, phones, hair. But unfortunately, society forced me to hide or ignore who I truly was, and my mental health needs were overlooked.

    This past 2 months has been so liberating and freeing. I'm learning to listen to by body and what it's trying to tell me. I've started to understand my needs as an autistic human. I've felt more relaxed and happier than I have in almost a decade. I feel free. My "weirdness" is coming out more organically and that's ok! I am so excited for this new journey and can honestly say, I am proud to be an autistic person.

    It doesn't make me any less of a person than you. It doesn't deem me incapable of succeeding. In the contrary, it makes me exceptional. I am very successful and good at my job and even am relied on to train new employees or help problem solve where others struggle. I'm good at multitasking. Im always thinking 1 step ahead. I am creative. I am funny. I have a good visual memory. I'm unique. Yes, I may have a harder time picking up social cues, learning new things, accepting things without details or processing emotions like a neurotypical person. But I make up for it in so many other ways. 

To sum it up, these are some things I have learned about myself:

💖That my embarrassing crying is my body helping regulate me when emotions are high or I'm overstimulated.

🧡 My anxiety and depression spiked in 2018 when my "routines" I depended on to regulate were uplifted at home and at work by unpredictability. 

💛 I was picky as a kid because change made me uncomfortable.

💚 I had a hard time making friends and developed social anxiety because I struggled to fit in.

💙 I was quiet and observant because I truly didn't have anything to say, or I was trying to study human interaction.

💜As fun as social gatherings are in the moment, they drain me, and I need to recharge afterwards to stay regulated and happy. 

🧩 I don't pick up on subtext easily. If someone say something that has further meaning or assumption beyond the words coming out of their mouth, I may miss it.

👄I overcommunicate because it is essentially a trauma response from me having to work harder my whole life to be understood due to my lack of social skills.

👽 I didn't appear autistic my whole life because I was masking to fit social norms to survive. And I want to emphasize the word SURVIVE. 

The biggest take away from this for you readers who know me is this: Please don't treat me like a delicate flower now that you know. Don't look at me different. Don't make assumptions of how I feel based on my lack of: social skills, facial expressions and enthusiasm. Give me grace and guidance as I've needed my entire life. Try to understand me as I've tried to understand you MY entire life. But remember, I am still the same person you've always known. This newly found version of me is just in technicolor now. 🌈

If you are struggling with mental health, please reach out for support. It's scary at first, because we are trained to think our feelings and experiences are negative and are just problems. But it's what makes you you and therapy/support can help you love yourself when you never felt you could. ❤️

The Return of the Mother of Cats

Hello Guys & Dolls!!!

What a long time it's been! My last post was in 2018 and man a lot has happened. 

I figured the best way to update ya''ll on the adventures in the past 5 years would be to create a weekly blog entry for each event. So, come with me and dive into the past!!! 

Adventure #1 - Bella Boop Snoop!

I had never grown up with reptiles, no did I ever have any interested in having a reptile. The closest thing to reptiles that we grew up with was probably my dads tarantula named Edgar Allen Poe, or his black widow he named Charlotte.

But I like cute furry things ya know? That's always been my MO.

Well, one rainy spring day, the Utah Reptile Expo was in town. So we decided to go check it out for fun. There were so many different reptiles to see. But the booth that caught me was a booth dedicated to Reptile Rescue. They had reptiles that had found themselves in unhealthy situations or that had injuries. Working in Animal Welfare, anything rescue will pique my interest and open up my heart. They had some lizards and some ball pythons. Some of the pythons had wounds from heating sources and that made me so sad. As we wondered through the rest of the critters, we came across a cute ball python that had a respiratory infection.

Never did I expect to fall in love at first site with a slithery snake, but she caught me good. Wait...Did I want a snake? Were we thinking clearly? I knew NOTHING about caring for a reptile, let alone a snake! 

We decided to walk around the rest of the expo to discuss this decision, I couldn't shake it. Something told me she belonged with us. So, we went back and adopted her! I remember clearly, walking out with her bundled up in my hoodie. It was raining and I didn't want her to get cold or more sick. 

We got home and set up her new home. What a crazy decision we had just made. Now, What were we going to call her though? Well, the only thing that made sense in our lives was to name her after our favorite Harry Potter villian, Bellatrix. Bella for short. 

We had her for a week and decided to take her to an Wasatch Exotic Animal Care since she was still sneezing from her cold. Seemed simple right? Well...turns out, the way you need to administer medications to a snake is by giving them an oral medications as well injections. Ummmm, excuse me? New snake owner here, and you want me to stick a needle in this thing?! What had we gotten ourselves into? Talk about weeks of anxiety. Travis and I learned from the vet how to give the meds. It seemed easy for them, but to us, with no snake handling experience, it was an experience we will never forget. 

We had to have one person grab her neck right under her head, and the other person had to grab the wiggly body, find the right area of the body, lift a scale and slid the needle underneath...

We were so thankful she started to get better and was able to show us her cute personality. Ok, Ok, I know what you're thinking, "Snakes don't have a personality." But she had the sweetest & softest demeanor.  

I would get her out and just let her cruz the bed everyday for a little bit. She always loved to come up to my nose and slither her little tongue, as if she was giving me kisses and hid in my hoodie

With the seasons changing, it was hard for us to keep her humidity in her tank at the correct level, so when it came to her shedding, she never could get all of her shed off and that when I would come in and help her out. It became a kind of bonding experience for me. I enjoyed helping her. 

Feeding time was a while different ball game that I was not ready for. I hated it. We did research because I did NOT want to feed the live route. So we tried the frozen route. Did you ever think snakes could be picky? Me either... Well, she decided she had to show us that snakes indeed could be picky and would not touch her food. Ugh...we had to get back to the dreaded live route. It gave me so much anxiety, I always had to have a glass of wine afterwards to calm my nerves. There was a couple times, the rats actually went after her and left wounds on her! She forever had a little indent on her head that was a scar from her first rat attack. But it just added to her uniqueness. 💓

We had her for a few years, but as our lives evolved, we found it difficult to take care of her the way she needed. I struggled with the idea but I knew we needed to rehome her. We connected with an individual we believed checked out and would be a good home for her. We took her to her new home and donated all her things with her. I had gotten so attached, it was literally as if I had a child taken away from me. I was devastated. S

She was a wonderful exception that had unexpectedly slithered into my heart and made a home there forever.

I am planning in the future to get a tattoo of my sweet Bella Boop, so she will always be with me. 💓

Day at the PAC

Hello Guys and Dolls!

Geez it's been a while

Well...next month will mark my 1 year anniversary as full time staff at the Kitten Nursery! Exciting huh?! It's been so crazy!

In Utah, since we have extreme changes in weather, we have what is called Kitten Season. Kitten Season runs March-Nov typically. That means that generally kittens are just born in the warmer months. Which makes the nursery CRAZY in the summer time!!! Now, you may be wondering, what do you do in the off season if there are no kittens? Well, work becomes much much slower, but not by to much. 

A little background: Best Friends Utah is a part of whats called a collation. That means, that we partner with our local animal shelters to help Utah become a No Kill State. Unfortunately, we haven't gotten there yet, BUT we are super close to our goal! Awesome right?! These partners bring us the kittens that are brought to them in the summer time, which in turn, we take care of these little babies until they are healthy and old enough to get spayed and neutered and then go to our adoption center to find their forever homes!

Now in the winter, like I said, we don't have kittens meowing from every which kennel. Instead, we have adults! Our awesome team goes to our partners and pulls usually 10 adult cats at a time from these shelters. Once they are in our care, they are put on a 2 week health quarantine. This allows us to make sure that they are healthy enough for adoption. 

Unfortunately, some shelters just don't have the funding or resources to take care of/ diagnose health problems with some animals. That's where we can help luckily. Some of the adult cats we get can be healthy as can be and some just don't feel very well when they come to us. This season alone, I have witnessed some pretty crazy turn arounds. A lot of them, we've discovered need special diets due to urinary/kidney issues. Some had ear mites, bad URI problems and more.  

Gus Gus

One particularly, was a cat named Gus. When we pulled him out of the carrier, he was grumpy and did not feel good at all. He had a yellow tint to his skin and fur. Turns out he had pancreatitis, which is an inflammation of the pancreas. It can cause loss of appetite, dehydration, weight loss, and jaundice. 

He was so grumpy that when we tried to give him his meds, it took 2 of us to administer them because we was not having it! He made me nervous. But once he started to feel better, his personality changed dramatically! He was like a whole new cat. He loved, and I mean LOVED being brushed. We ended up just leaving a brush in his kennel because he loved it so much. He definitely became my favorite and most special memory from adult season. On the day he was going to be picked up to go to the adoption center was bitter sweet for me. I gave him a good 20 minute brushing on the table. Curling up in my arms, he was so happy and so content. He even fell asleep <3

One of my favorite things is going to the adoption center and seeing how happy they are in that environment. I went to see Gus only a few days later and it made my day. He came out of his little cuddle hole he was in and got up on my lap and just loved life. 

And to think, who knows what would have happened to him if he hadn't of come to us. That's why I love my job. To know we are saving lives and to see transformations like Gus.

This kid will forever have a spot in my heart. 

<3

Adult season is now coming to an end and kittens will be here before we know it. Before the crazy begins, my boss wanted to make sure I had the chance to go Shadow over at the Pet Adoption Center or the PAC as we call it. 

So on Saturday, instead of going to work at the nursery, I got to spend the day seeing how the adoption center runs. Our adoption center is a pretty nice facility. Basically there are about 10 dog kennels that make an L shape on one side of the room and then we have 2 cat rooms on the other end with free roaming cats. In the middle, we have cat towers. Those are for cats with medical conditions, special diets or behavioral issues. The cats live there, but the dogs do not. 

So when I got there, it was pretty interesting be cause they just let the cats roam free and stretch their legs while cleaning is happening.

This threw me for a surprise because I come from a completely different world. At the nursery since we deal with sickies and babies with no immune systems, it's strange enough to pet a cat without gloves on while working. And then to come here and see cats I can just pick up and cuddle. Blows my mind but I was pretty much in heaven. As I always am when I go there to visit cats.

As we continued with the cleaning and playing with cats, it was time to go pick up the dogs. Every morning, the opening person is in charge of going to the shelter of the day and picking up those dogs.










First on our list was Ziggy. Ziggy has just recently become an official Best Friends dog. Since dogs don't stay at our facility and we usually get them from the shelters, Ziggy has the fortune of staying at an awesome doggie hotel until he is either adopted or they find a foster home for him.




Now, I was wondering how we transfer all these dogs. Well, I got my answer. I've always seen this old transit vehicle around town that best friends turned into their own. Never knew what it was for until now! Turns out they completely renovated the inside with kennel banks so we can transfer dogs. Cool huh?!



Now that we had Ziggy, it was off to the shelter of the day. This was an interesting trip too because I
literally drive by this shelter everyday and wonder what its like inside. One cool thing was there was an entire row of tortoises! From small to huge! I guess there was a kind of hoarding situation going on where they came from. Poor guys.

Any who, we picked up 6 or 7 dogs from this shelter and headed back to the PAC.

Once we arrived at the PAC, there were dog walkers ready to take them on a quick walk before we opened the doors.

Once those doors opened we just waited and chatted until potential adopters came in the doors.
It was slow in the beginning but by noon, the place was swarming! There were meet and greets going on left and right and adoptions being processed. It was madness! But so cool at the same time.

By the end of the day, there were 7 cats and 4 dogs adopted! It was pretty great to see the cats I knew at the nursery finding their humans as well as knowing those dogs were not going back to the shelter. All the feels <3

One cat that has my heart (you remember Gus from above) still hadn't been adopted. I found out that people can donate the adoption fee towards an animal to help their chances a little more. Well of course I decided to do that for Gus! Seriously, if it was a possibility, I would adopt him myself. Since I can't,this made me feel like I was helping and made me feel so good! <3

It was a pretty awesome day. I learned a lot, had a blast, and got to know more work people outside of the nursery. And what better way to top off an awesome day? Well, with an amazing sunset <3

Oh and one reminder before you leave. ADOPT DON'T SHOP!

Peace, Love and Bomb ♡

~ Click With Love ~

Hey Guys and Dolls! How have you been?!

Last time I checked in, I was telling you guys how I had gotten a new job (pretty much my dream job) at the Best Friends Kitten Nursery as a Kitten Caregiver! God...can I say how much I am loving it?! It's definitely a lot of work and exhausting, let me tell you, but its so rewarding knowing your making a difference in these kittens life.

I've learned so much and seen so much.

 But my favorite thing to do is see those cute kittens everyday and take pictures of them.

I find beauty easily in things I see around me. You can almost always see me take my phone camera out and then immediately start going through and editing the photos I've taken so I can share them. I've always kind of done this, whether its when we are out to eat, in the mountains, at the zoo (where I worked for 8 years) or pretty much anywhere.   

I guess you can say taking photos is my artistic passion. Maybe I secretly got it from my dad? He's an artist and is always taking photos of things.

It wasn't until recently I started getting a lot of positive feed back on photos I've been taking from family, friends and colleagues. My fiance, Travis, and his grandma especially told me I have a real talent and I should try to do something with it.

  Sooo....I decided to start my own little photography page for fun. 

Travis has an older Olympus camera at home that he will occasionally pull out and play with. He told me to try it out and take some photos, so I have been fiddling with it a little bit. I've always been the type of person that says "My camera on my phone works great. I don't need a legit camera. Why spend the money?"

.......Well....after playing with that, the camera bug bit me and I decided I wanted a camera really really bad! Especially after I took this photo of Dora. It kind of made me really see the difference a real DSLR camera can make. I STILL LOVE MY CAMERA PHONE! Don't get me wrong!

 But, I want another option to take amazing photos.

 I don't know anything about cameras....literally nothing. The stuff I've done on my phone is just...what I've played around with. 

Learning how to use a legit camera....the thought of it just intimidates me. I think that's why I've always just settled for my camera phone and never really looked into anything else or even had a legit thought about learning photography.

Things are going to change though because we actually looked at cameras and I decided on one. 

And when I set my mind on something...for example....buying a new tv or dying my hair....BAM! Decision made! I get pumped and go right out and do it! If I don't....I am a super bummy sad panda. 

We went to Best Buy to look at them, because you can't tell how you are going to like a camera until it's in your hands. I got recommendations from friends and had my mind set on the Canon Rebel T6.

 When we went to the store, I was planning on getting that camera and Travis had me look at the Nikon D3400, because another recommendation was the Nikon D3300. I played along and looked at it....but then realized I really really liked it. The body was a lighter model and fit easier in my hands. It also had better specs than the other one...thus making it a little bit more money but in the long run, that's always better. AND it came in red! I've always liked red things like kitchen appliances, cars....and now cameras :)

Yes! I was so excited to come home and play around with it. Travis had it all planned to take me up into the mountains so I could practice. Aaaaaannnnnddd no Best Buys had that model in stock...figures. I was planning on ordering it with them, which would make it so I wouldn't get it for a week. Again...my mind was set on that...and Travis told me to wait and see if we could find anything on Amazon Prime since its 2 day shipping. Again...I played along and looked. Turns out we found one for $20 cheaper and it came in a little bundle with a cleaning cloth, SD card and some other things. SWEET!

What would I do without this guy? For real.

Now I just gotta wait "patiently" till  Wednesday till it gets delivered :)

I literally can't even wait! 

~ Peace, Love & Bomb ~